When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. I wonder sometimes if the phrase encourages optimism to deal with the situation or to resign to what shows up in life. I lost my dad at the age of eleven, and I grew up with six other siblings. With the sudden loss of the sole income earner, my illiterate mother’s focus was on ensuring that the kids got their education and putting food on the table with the meager pension she received each month. My youngest brother was hardly two years old. Those were challenging early years indeed.
Being the eldest boy, my mother would remind me that I could do no wrong, as my younger siblings were ‘watching’ me – on the right way to do all things. This ranged from how I helped her with household chores to doing my homework and getting good grades in school. So I grew up pretty much a filial obedient child, to not fail my mother’s expectations. For me, it was nothing out of the ordinary, and these were the norms of growing up in an Asian family. My parents were immigrants to the city-state of Singapore. When my father passed on, my mother could not rely on the extended family relationships to support her plight. There was no one. There was no TV and it was a good six years later that we had a push-button phone installed. We lived in a third-world Singapore, which was then newly independent. My mother was pretty much a single parent, young kids in tow and wondering how to make it happen. Although she was illiterate, she had one quality that shone through. She would repeatedly question us with – what and why, and sometimes why not? “What can you do in the situation?” “Why can’t you do that?” It was always thought-provoking and sometimes challenging us for the better. We grew up ever willing to ‘help’ mummy with the household chores. She was a bundle of love, and we, her children are so proud of her sacrifices, and forever indebted. But that’s another story.
It was a noisy home with lots of chatter, but we were a happy lot. Bedtime was prompt at 10 pm and we slept on cool straw mats on the floor. We jostled for our turns to the bathroom every morning. My younger brothers never complained that they got the hand-me-downs that I would have worn. In my growing up years, I remember that I did not have a role model to look up to. Sure there were some distant relatives who would visit us, but none whom I could fit into the role of a surrogate dad. The teenage years are when you become aware that you are growing into a life of self-responsibility. I knew I was headed somewhere, but it was hazy on the horizon.
Looking back, I believe two poems made a big impact on my thoughts and overall outlook towards life in the early years. The first of these is Desiderata by Max Ehrmann, and the second, Don’t Quit by Edgar A. Guest. Both of these poems were written in the 1920s. I came across both of them at a book fair. Desiderata was plainly printed and plastic laminated while the print of Don’t Quit was mounted on a chip-wood-backed frame. The two poems found a place on the wall close to my study table, that I could not miss reading them every day. Perhaps it was providence that I caught sight of these two poems at the crowded book fair. You get what you seek and I’m sure these two poems found me when I was searching for the very same wisdom, comfort, solace, and encouragement. Reading them certainly put some wind in my sails, a certain momentum in my journey of life. At that point in my life, it was all-important. All through high school and college, the two poems were always somewhere I could read and inspire myself. Indeed it’s almost a century since they were written.
Every problem presents an opportunity to get better. Life is happening for you. What are you seeking? What you are seeking is also seeking you. In these words of the poet, I wish that you will find some wisdom, some answers for yourself too. Even in the most trying of times, look forward to better days. I’m pleased to share these two poems with you.
DESIDERATA
GO PLACIDLY amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
By Max Ehrmann © 1927
DON’T QUIT
When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
When you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit –
Rest if you must, but don’t quit.
Life is strange with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a fellow turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out.
Don’t give up though the pace seems slow –
You may succeed with another blow.
Often the goal is nearer than
It seems to a faint and faltering man;
Often the struggler has given up
When he might have captured the victor’s cup;
And he learned too late when the night went down,
How close he was to the golden crown.
Success is failure turned inside out –
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It might be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit –
It’s when things seem worst that you mustn’t quit.
By Edgar A. Guest © 1920
